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February 2018

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“I don’t need a man, I’m a strong woman”


“I don’t need a man, I’m a strong woman.”

It’s confusing, right? All the things that women say about not needing a man, about being a ‘strong independent woman’. The message is that strong women should be okay standing alone, should not ‘need’ a relationship. The picture is compelling: A woman, single-handedly, bravely, conquering the world on her own. Not beholden by relationships. Not held down by obligations. Not propping up someone else’s life at the expense of her own.

And yet. In her heart of hearts, she yearns. For that one person. The heart whispers: “I want someone who will understand me and love me for who I am.”

So then there is guilt. If I am a strong woman, then why do I yearn for another?

Because perhaps what you really don’t need or want is a relationship that you’ve seen patterned out by the women who came before you. The relationships that were lopsided, that were hurtful, that were all-consuming, took everything, left nothing. No. You really do not need those relationships.

Because strong does not mean not needing love. Does not mean separate or apart. That is the toxic masculine interpretation of strength.

Perhaps the cry can be changed: “I don’t need a man who hasn’t realized for whatever reason how hurtful and unnecessary living from a wounded place is, how painful it is to live out that life without examining the structures we live within; how restrictive such a relationship feels, how much he takes without giving, how much he assumes without asking.”

Those relationships were fueled by wounds, karmic agreements, misunderstandings, ignorance, defensiveness. Those relationships learned their patterns from generations of heteropatriarchy that came before.

You’re not meant to carry your mother’s burdens with you, my love. You’re not meant to wage her wars. Your choices cannot make up for the ones that she did not, or could not make.

But you can break the cycle. You can break the chains. You can let down your burdens.

“I no longer want to be a victim in this scheme. I want to take back my right to have loving, fulfilling relationships. I will start with the relationship I have with myself.”

Even women already in relationships can feel a defensiveness against their partner if these wounds aren’t addressed. Trust takes a long time. Will he engulf me? Will he overtake my life? What does getting married mean? What does being seen together mean?

The costs are real. The costs that a woman who is unaware of her beauty, power and strength has to bear are real. A woman like that opens herself up to all the hungry men in the world – and there are so, so many of them – divorced from healthy masculinity, who feast on her tender heart to quell their soul-deep, bone-deep hunger.

Your heart is yearning to be proved wrong. You want to know that you can be in a relationship – and actually relate to each other. To engage with each other in a way that is healthy and respectful. To know another.

Being a victim is no longer an option. And swapping it out to be the aggressor – overpowering him first so that he does not overpower you isn’t the answer either.

We must stop repeating and replaying these hurts that we enact on each other.


Step one is to know these wounds. To account for them with as much love as you can muster. Name all the ways you have been hurt, you have seen your mother been hurt, you have seen your grandmother been hurt.

Step two is to grieve for all the times no one heard your horror and fear, your disbelief that love could look this way – so different from what you instinctively know. You know what love is like because you came from Love, you are love. To realize that your birthright, of deep and fulfilling love, was not reflected in your early reality is a kind of trauma in itself. It was an experience that led you to believe… Love doesn’t exist. Or that it isn’t real. And over time, slowly but surely, this false belief took the wind out of your sails…

Step three is the slow process of healing. Of giving yourself the love you deserve. How does one do this? By taking time, slowing down, and breathing during the difficult moments. By gravitating towards those who truly know how to love and who have a lot of love to give. To be near where it may feel unfamiliar and strange, but in your heart you know is love and feels right. By doing what lifts your heart into joy, by no longer accepting black-and-white. By trusting that you are meant to live in full color. By removing yourself from sources that drain you, and that continue to pour salt on your wounds.

This is when the alchemy begins. This is when you can allow love to come in. And the rest of the steps will flow according to your own sacred unfolding.

0 In Monthly Wisdom Scopes

Your Wisdom Scopes February 2018


Ten of Swords

This is the month for some regular Zen downtime, which will allow you to step back and notice a few things: 1. You’re doing much better than you think 2. You’re learning and growing – if you feel lost or confused, that means you’ve left the shore and you’re truly swimming now 3. The things that upset you this month will be fleeting, and do not have any ominous bearing on your goals, dreams or plans. In other words, it’s important to continually take a step back and drink in the view, to be kind to yourself, and realize that it’s really going much better than you think! I get the sense of your nose being pressed up against the glass; you’re working so hard and trying so hard to get to where you want to go, that you barely have any room to breathe or take a break. Watch your thoughts this month and don’t allow them to bring you down any dark alleys. This is part of a larger cycle where you’re learning how to befriend your thoughts, and to turn your sharp mind into a friend instead of a foe that you carry around with you 24/7. Know that you are absolutely 100% capable of doing so.


Princess of Swords

Clarity comes this month from not allowing others to pull you into their emotional turmoil. It’s about seeking for the seed of truth that underlies all the drama that’s swirling around you. What are people really saying? Sometimes, it’s not the content of their words that matter, but what they’re not saying. Often, there’s some ego at play. Overall, it’s a fast-moving month for you, with a lot of changes. You may be put in situations where people aren’t always honest with themselves or others – so it’s extra important to put on your truth detector hat. Look at what they do, not what they say; don’t let flashiness or glib tongues distract you. It’s a great quality to have to always look for the good in others, but it’s even more important to have balanced perspectives. Only seeing the good in others may sometimes point to an unacknowledged positive shadow within yourself; meaning that you could be undervaluing the good in yourself and inadvertently selling yourself short in the process. Remember that you have value, you have lots to offer, and you deserve integrity in all of your dealings. Don’t settle for anything less.


6 of Wands

This month, you’ll see rewards that come with the culmination of something you’ve worked hard for, allowing you to experience the sweet taste of victory. This is also an opportunity for you to explore what winning means to you: must it always be victory over another? What is a true victory? Your competitive spirit is something admired by many, and your tenacity and drive to succeed can often be unparalleled. However, it’s necessary to sometimes slow down and observe the people and things in your path that gave you a boost on your way to the top, as success is never just about the individual, but also about the conditions that helped you on the way there. Give thanks and appreciation wherever it’s due. You may also have the opportunity to triumph over something within yourself this month – which can be arguably more challenging. It could be about overcoming fears, doubts or tendencies to self-sabotage. Know that once you set your heart and mind on it, there is really nothing you won’t be able to overcome this month. The winds are behind you.


8 of Wands

You’ve been rolling all these ideas in your mind lately, and February is the month that you put them into action. There are all these thoughts that are coming into your awareness, rapid fire, and in order to know if any of these work at all, it’s important to test some of them out in real life. Know that there will never be one perfect answer or solution – rather, it’s about taking one thing and sticking with it long enough to get a more accurate gauge of whether it works for you or not, and to keep tweaking it along the way. So this month, be bold – go towards the thing that lights you up the most, even if (or especially if!) it seems audacious or out-of-reach. You need to start somewhere, and the elements are saying that this is a great time to begin.


Ace of Cups

Dear Leo, this month, you will have a choice in opening your heart to others. This doesn’t necessarily mean that anyone around you has ‘changed’ enough to deserve it, but this could be a decision that stems from you wanting to foster connections and let love flow. It also doesn’t mean you let people walk all over you; rather, it’s about having that loving and open quality that allows everyone to feel at ease around you. When you connect with others without agenda, you allow energy to flow – and this will allow you to experience the fact that love isn’t just about finding ‘the one’ or reserving loving feelings for one significant other, but it’s really about a sense of general goodwill for all. You’ve been doing so much work on yourself in order to reach this point; allowing for forgiveness, developing compassion for self and others have softened your edges and have also given you the ability to move in this world with grace and gentleness. It’s a real feat, especially in these (digital and often impersonal) times we live in! You’ll soon see the rewards of this: others will open up to you, and show you the love you’ve been beaming out into the world tenfold. Resist the urge to underestimate the power of this: for love is the only thing that can change the world.


8 of Swords

Your clarity of thought and purpose will lead you home, dear Virgo. This is especially so if you’ve been feeling helpless at all that you’ve been seeing around you – disappointing events and behavior from others; unexpected setbacks, feeling oppressed by structures that are crumbling and outmoded. Anything you oppose only sustains it. You are to find a new way. Establish another paradigm. Do the difficult work of building something new, something outside of the confines of the box you never belonged in. This takes stamina, takes an internal resolve to stay fast to what you can see in your mind’s eye so clearly. Remember that you are put where you are for a reason: your discernment, sense of integrity, standards and values matter. Make moves to go where you are truly valued. Meanwhile, keep on building and sustaining your vision: your work is important in this world and will not go unnoticed. Finally, take time to play! Even if that simply means laughing at things that would have previously made you crinkle your brow and worry endlessly. Bring the joy back to your life – your stamina will be strengthened in the process. Remember, life is no longer about endlessly tolerating the lackluster and mediocre, but about releasing yourself to go after your heart’s desires.


King of Wands

If you’ve been waiting for a sign to start taking steps towards your dreams, or to take the lead – this is it. Your enthusiasm, grace and expertise is being called upon this month, and there’s really no better person for the job. Trust that you already have what you need in order to start. What really matters here is your passion for what you truly care about: it’s often an inspiring sight to see, and others are often galvanized into action because of it. This month, channel your energies into your creative expression, and be bold enough to let others see it. What is waiting to come through you is often needed by the collective, and it doesn’t need to be ‘perfect’ in order for it to be worthy!


9 of Pentacles

This month is all about choices for you, dear Scorpio. Your self-awareness is often unparalleled, and you’re more familiar than most about the forces that drive you from within. The more comfortable you are with your full range of feelings and impulses, the better you get at choosing from moment to moment the place that you want to act from. February will give you plenty of opportunities for these decisions to play out: do I help others because I want to be known as a ‘nice person’? Do I really care? Do I need to win only to show others that I’m better than them? The secret here is that the high road really will lead you to a better place – one that is free of drama. You don’t need to show anyone that you’re a ‘good person’ or to prove anything to anyone. Choose to act from a place of restraint, understand your own motivations, and that will be more than enough. Refraining will allow you to practice acting only when you truly feel called to do so –  this will hone your sense of power and your ability to wield it wisely.



Fresh possibilities. Starting anew. Spring comes early for you in the form of a sense of renewal within – something in you has the potential to be changed, which will allow you to let go of all preconceptions that have been holding you back. If you’ve always felt different or weird or just someone who just didn’t know how to fit in, the reasons are becoming increasingly clear why you are the way you are. You AREN’T meant to fit in, truly. Once you accept this about yourself, every fear or doubt or worry that held you back will now seem inconsequential. In this space of self-acceptance, your creative self-expression and authentic way of being will have room to show itself. It all sounds easy on paper, for sure, and the process sometimes just isn’t pretty. No, it’s not fun battling with self-doubts. No, it’s not easy facing down those overwhelming feelings that have you believing the worst about yourself. But at a certain point, you can decide to make a choice about the path you will take: will you surrender to your path, without letting fear get in your way? Because what waits beyond fear is will be worth every ounce of courage that you can muster up. Support will show up to affirm you each step of the way.


7 of Pentacles

This is a month for some time-out and reassessment, dear Capricorn. Things have been moving fast for you in the past few months, and you’ve been expanding and growing so much. You’ve been getting a sense of just how unlimited your potential is, and it’s probably been really fun exploring and getting to know your reinvigorated drives and passion. February will offer you the opportunity to slow down a little and to chart your course more carefully. Taking the raw impulses and information you’ve gathered over the past months, you will be able to lay them all out and see if you can identify priorities, or to narrow your focus. Know that the most familiar isn’t necessarily the best path or course of action – there’s a hint that taking chances and reaching for the unfamiliar but most promising in terms of growth will pay off a lot more in the long run for you. So investigate your fears and see where you’re holding back or defaulting to the tried and true. A change in direction or a tweak in your approach may be the key.



Congratulations, dear Aquarius. Something you began early last year (in April) comes to fruition this month. There’s a completion of a cycle, leading to the beginning of a brand new one. It’s a leveling up that you’ve never felt before – the sweet reward that comes with surrendering yourself to your goal and your life’s work. When something comes to an end, fear, worry and anxiety may also become your bedfellows. That’s all natural and part of the process, but don’t let those feelings lead you astray or trick you into thinking that something is wrong. Allow what needs to die, to do so. Old habits, interests and topics may no longer hold your attention, and this could mean that it’s simply time to move on from them. It’s okay if there’s a bit of a void at first – you don’t have to be in a hurry to fill it up. Sit and see what flies in.


2 of Wands

Your personal power has grown so much recently, and you’re now learning how to wield it with wisdom. When exercising your power, it’s not so much about what you do with it, but about your intentions. Being honest with yourself is key here. Is it going towards achieving a larger goal? Does it serve a larger purpose? Is it grounded in Spirit? Or is it something more worldly and material? There are no right or wrong answers, only choices and consequences, so as you make moves in the world with your newfound sense of power, simply be open to observing the feedback and responses you receive in the moment, as well as the feelings that come up. February will be a month that allows for bold actions, and it’ll also be a time where you’ll experience your influence in this world. Wield it with compassion, self-awareness and discernment, and you’ll be amazed by how much you can do for others around you.